EFT Tapping and the Action Stage

In this series articles I have attempted to explain how EFT Tapping can be used in each stage of the Cycle of Change model. This framework is useful to understand how we all change our behaviours and my aim here is to dive into each stage to look at what role EFT can play in addressing the specific challenges to each of them and how it can move us quicker between stages.

The focus of this article is the Action Stage.

The catchphrase from my first article to sum up what goes on in this stage is “I am done and I’m quitting today!”. In this phase we have gathered all the evidence that we needed to reach that conclusion and our decision has been made. The plan that we worked through is now happening and we are dipping our toes in the waters of our alcohol-free life. We are doing it!

When I support people who are in this phase of the cycle, I already know the timeline we are working towards because helping them to work it out is part of what I do with them in the Preparation Stage. The timeframe has to feel realistic to them because they need to feel comfortable to commit to it as that will increase their chances of success. In this way, the Action Stage becomes the time they are going to experiment with that timeframe and discover how their new-found sobriety feels in real life, both physically and psychologically.

Pitfalls in the Action Stage and how EFT can help.

What are the pitfalls that we may encounter at this stage? What are the things that that you will find challenging? Is there anything stopping you from implementing the plan that you have so carefully devised? What other resources could help you? And, most importantly, what emotions that had been numbed by your prolonged alcohol use are showing up for you right now? What is finally pounding on your door asking to be seen, heard, acknowledged and released?

As we know, it is very likely that the majority of people who have used alcohol problematically would have done so to self-medicate a mental health condition, alleviate an emotional discomfort, numb their feelings in order to be able to function in life as a result of a traumatic event or events. In other words, to change how they feel — which is the main predictor of alcohol use becoming problematic and, in time, develop in a physical dependency.

Once the self-medicating tool has been pulled out or taken away, the work with EFT will be aimed at addressing all those blocks that may hamper a successful recovery, a make the transition into an alcohol-free life as smooth as possible, and ultimately, zero out on possibility of future lapses or relapses.

What I have noticed is that the main points that EFT can be used to tackle can be grouped in four broad categories:

• Dealing with cravings — whether they are solely psychological, physical or a mixture of the two.

We know that EFT can definitely help because when we experience a craving — regardless of whether that is something we assume into our bodies (i.e. alcohol, drugs, food) or an action (i.e. shopping, watching porn, gambling), and we are not engaging in the behaviour, we are in a state of stress that we can feel in our bodies and the reason we then give in the craving is to stop that uneasiness; and we know that when we tap, our cortisol levels go down and, consequently, our stress subsides. So, for example, encouraging people to tap when they start to experience a craving, can make a real difference.

• Replacing the old habit with new ones.

Once drinking is out of the equation, one thing that makes it hard for people to stay sober is having all that time on their hands that is not being taken anymore by the drinking; this absence might create a void which, sometimes, is filled by food and especially sweets and carbohydrates; even though is important to be kind to oneself and not to ask to much of oneself, it would be a pity to replace a compulsive behaviour with another one.

This is where EFT can come really handy as we can use it to tap out the need to fill in the void with another un-healthy behaviour and use that time to do something more productive, and whether that’s meditation or cooking, it doesn’t really matter as long as it’s not another compulsive behaviour.

• Planning our lives differently and start to make different decisions.

When alcohol has left the room, life will necessarily change. To borrow a very accurate metaphor that the writer Augusten Burrough used in his memoir “Dry”, when we stop drinking, we are like a piece of the puzzle that has changed its shape and this new shape no longer fits with the rest of the pieces around us, which represent all the areas we are surrounded by. EFT can be an incredible tool to help us come to terms with a new landscape that we will be called to re-create in order to fit our new way of being sober in the world.

In the action stage, in our early days, weeks or months of being alcohol-free, some decisions that we will need to take might look like making a decision about going to an event that is coming up — whether we are going to go or not, and, if we decide to attend, what our feelings are about that and how we want to show up there; or it can involve setting up boundaries that we need to put in place with our loved ones or work colleagues.

Keep in mind that this is a time where you are going to re-connect with yourself and getting the chance to meet the real you, and what that new-found person wants and needs, is happy to tolerate or decides to draw a line to.

• Addressing the reasons we have started to use alcohol as an emotional aid.

As I mentioned previously, if we have started to use alcohol problematically, the chances are that we thought it solved a problem that we had and we didn’t have the right tools to cope with it at the time. But thanks to EFT, we now have these gentle and appropriate techniques to safely address these issues, and this stage might be the right moment for some of us to start doing just that. I need to stress, though, that in order to do that, you will need to find a certified and accredited trauma-informed practitioner.

To offer a personal example, one of the reasons I found a relief in alcohol was because it turned me into that sociable and confident person that I so yearned to be. I had been “crippled” by shyness since I can remember until I found alcohol, which, I thought, what the thing that opened the door and liberated me from the inner constraints that kept me a prisoner of myself. I had to do a lot of work in order to gain the confidence to become a version of myself that I was happy with and didn’t need that crutch anymore.

I’d like to end sharing the extract of one of the conversations between Burrough’s therapist and himself from his memoir “Dry” that I touched upon in this article. This dialogue made such a strong and powerful dent in my sobriety journey, and I find that this is, funnily enough, one of the key pieces that can easily be missed out in this stage of the cycle:

“Think of a puzzle” she says. She draws a square and then inside of this squiggly puzzle shapes, with one missing piece. “So this piece here is you”. She draws an individual puzzle piece. “In recovery, your shape changes, In order for you to fit back into the rest of the puzzle, your life, the other pieces of the puzzle must also change their shapes to accommodate you”. I have the distinct feeling that this will not happen. That I will end up the misplaced puzzle piece, lost under the sofa. “And if the other pieces of the puzzle don’t change? What then?” “Then”, she says, “you find another puzzle to belong to”.

Burroghs, Augusten. 2003. Dry — A Memoir. London: Atlantic Books.

*Please note that if you want to undertake this level of work, you will need to find a trauma-informed certified Advanced EFT Practitioner as I am. Please visit the EFT International website to find the directory of certified and accredited EFT practitioners.